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Gregarious Expressions

by Alicia Lynn Grega

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writing

The Ferment: Creativity and Burnout

Two years after opening a file in FadeIn, I finally finished the first episode of The Ferment. This was a couple of weeks ago and I’ve been letting it sit before making some more edits before sharing the script with my colleagues. I’ve been writing episodes two and three simultaneously, so it won’t take too much longer to finish the next two. I’m giving myself until the end of June.

In the meantime, school has been as much work as I’ve come to expect — teaching seven classes for the fourth semester in a row. I am cutting back in the fall. I’ve made a promise to myself and to my art. Not trying to be a downer, but it was my birthday last week and I’m very aware I might not have as much time left as I’d like … maybe dying early from workaholicism is preventable. Or can at least be slowed down.

Trying to take a little break today (burnout is rumbling on the horizon), I made another image in the poster series for The Ferment that I also started two years ago. I’ve had this idea written on a post-it for close to a year.

So … I’m slow. Why is everybody in such a hurry all the time? It’s not a race.

Here’s what I made today and what I made last week. Images for a bit … and then I’ll get back to the words (as soon as the semester is over, unless I use writing as a procrastination tactic.)

Peace & Blessings – ali

Accidental promotion

I was trying to figure out if I could get the $25 off an American Express gift card and into one of my accounts for future use.

Am I careless or maybe I’m afraid given the chance … I will lose it? This is a quiet trauma of my life. So many moves. So many hellos and goodbyes to so many different people. I can’t remember it all and I am afraid of forgetting. Someday I will read my seventh-grade journals and I won’t shrink back in horror because I won’t recognize myself. It’s like The Notebook with crates of disturbing purgings, half-finished writings, thank you cards and kind letters from people who love me enough to have bothered, theatre programs, printouts of poetry and recipes, receipts, production histories, travel ephemera …

A puzzle of memories to piece together when it all looks brand-new again. A life’s final project.

That was a tangent I let happen because I was curious to see the words emerge.

The point of this post is to say, I found my PayPal business page and the profile has changed. I uploaded the content requested and now this exists –

https://www.paypal.biz/AliciaGrega

I’m not actively seeking additional work at this time. I’ve still got my hands full teaching seven classes at five schools again this semester and can’t hope to free my schedule before June. So I really have no business putting this out into the world right now. Except that I am a professional who hopes to add more Gregarious work in the future as I turn down my course load and make more time for my creative writing and theatrical goals. Common Play Factory has been a fragment of a dream until now. I can make something real that will help people grow and heal and learn and connect with the arts and storytelling and collective production explorations.

At this time, I am hoping to model professional efforts for my students. Not all of my experiments with digital media will coalesce into content worth storing in those crates for the rest of my life … to the annoyance of those who watch me move my life about in boxes.

But I think I’m finally on to something.

I still believe I can make something that matters. Hopefully several things.

I am creating alongside my students this semester. Writing the same poems. Creating more digital content.

Took me well beyond 10,000 hours to feel this confident and secure in my voice. Now that I’m here, it’s hurting not to write. Words keep forcing themselves out of me when I should be doing other things. Don’t worry, I will grade the assignments. “First things first” as Covey coined. But I’m not going to leave my art out of my life. It would be unhealthy.

It’s never too late. We must make ourselves ready for when the challenge arises. Sun Tzu-style – make ourselves stronger and smarter and more skilled while we, in time, win without fighting.

Maybe I’ll revise my CV creatively to reflect the hours spent absorbing life’s details and stories and music, how energy moves us, the hours spent playing with and building with language, the hours spent writing badly, and designing badly to sharpen skills into a more powerful tool. I’ve been wanting to make an infographic.

-ag

Revising Cressida with Google’s Notebook LM

After seeing the Scranton Shakespeare production of Troilus and Cressida in summer 2019, I began research to support a (feminist) revisionist (live theatre) story about Cressida / Bresis and women trafficked as slaves during the Trojan War. In Chaucer’s version of the Troilus and Cressida story, she is degraded for her disloyalty to Troilus and for her fickle, inconstant character, in general. It’s not a virtuous way for a woman of that time to behave. The readership knows to judge her. Shakespeare plays with moral questions of wartime but doesn’t free Cressida from “slut shaming.”

Peter Donat (left) and Martha Henry in Shakespeare's Troilus and Cressida at the Stratford Festival in Ontario, Canada, 1963.

Unfortunately, after finishing grad school that same summer, my work schedule grew and grew to the scale that I haven’t had much time to devote to this project since first conceiving of its potential.

Among the seven classes I am teaching this semester are an introductory course in Media Writing and Writing for Social Media. Knowing the momentous impact AI continues to have on the media industry, it would disadvantage my students were I not to learn as much as I can first-hand about the potential dangers and benefits of the uncanny elephant in the room. I have my own moral qualms about typing a single word into any of these digital communications platforms these days but … this is the world we are living in today. Is AI going to go away if we ignore it? Can we reject this technology and still expect to earn a living? How long will it take to build a whole new unplugged underground? Are enough of us willing to confront the digital revolution with a new world order? Perhaps.

Like many people, I’ve been captivated with what Google’s Notebook LM can do after hearing the “audio overview” sample on Hard Fork.

While doing research for my class this morning, I was inspired to see what Notebook LM might do with my work on the Cressida Project so far. I’ve accumulated documents including literary research papers, source texts, blog posts and my own notes and creative ideas based on the conviction that we must retell Cressida’s story because she was a trafficked woman, a sex slave traded as a win or loss in a foolishly deadly war waged for no good reason.

Troilus and Cressida in 2012, a collaboration between The Wooster Group and the RSC as part of the World Shakespeare Festival. Photo by Hugo Glendinning © RSC.

After a productive chat and a pretty fantastic “audio overview” was generated, I knew I had to share the results. While these results are AI-generated, they feel very personal and specific to my ideas and viewpoint. I feel a sense of pride in these results even though AI does a lot of heavy lifting here it couldn’t have made sense of my research unless there was something solid here. I fed it 27 sources to support my position and this LM makes it sound like my concept is worth pursuing. I feel re-inspired to finish the work I’ve begun.

The remainder of this post is the content generated by Notebook LM after our detailed conversation. I find it interesting that while the “Audio Overview” leaves out any specific mention of my plans for the revisionist play, the WordPress post I asked Notebook to write did not shy away from my original script in progress. The working title is “Whore Criseyde” which I know is just awful. I’ll change it later LOL.

*The works cited page that supports these footnotes is based on my uploaded sources but also complimented to texts beyond my current download folder. I’m not going to include it here but don’t hesitate to contact me if you are curious.

First: A link to the Audio Overview to help separate the AI that follows from the Alicia who wrote the first half of this post herself.

Audio Overview Logline: “In a reimagining of Shakespeare’s Troilus and Cressida, a woman’s ‘betrayal’ becomes a desperate act of survival in a world where she is both a commodity and a scapegoat for the follies of men.”

Cameron McNary (left) as Troilus and Tyler Layton as Cressida in Troilus and Cressida, 1999. Utah Shakespeare Festival.

WordPress post I asked Notebook LM to write:

“My current project is a deep dive into the complexities of Shakespeare’s Troilus and Cressida, but it’s not your typical retelling. I’m not interested in simply rehashing the old story of a ‘true’ lover and a ‘false’ maiden. Instead, I want to reimagine Cressida’s story through a feminist lens, exploring her agency (or lack thereof) within a patriarchal and war-torn world. This isn’t just about making her a victim, though. It’s about understanding how she becomes the object of male projections and how her choices are shaped by the impossible constraints placed on her [1-3].

Drawing inspiration from various sources, including the original play and critical analyses [4, 5], I’m particularly interested in:

  • Challenging the traditional narratives: I want to move beyond the simplistic ‘true Troilus, false Cressida’ dichotomy and unpack the societal forces that lead to her condemnation [6].
  • Exploring the idea of Cressida as a commodity: I want to highlight how she is treated as merchandise by men like Pandarus, and how her exchange between the Trojans and Greeks reduces her to an object of political and economic trade [7, 8].
  • Amplifying the voices of the marginalized: I aim to give voice to the women of Troy, including the chorus and the other refugee women, and offer a more nuanced perspective on the impact of war on women [9, 10].
  • Examining the cynical lens of the male gaze: Through characters like Ulysses and Thersites, I want to explore the destructive nature of male cynicism and how it shapes the narrative of the play [11-13].
  • Highlighting the human cost of war: This project is not just about Cressida. It’s about how war dehumanizes individuals and forces them into impossible situations, reflecting a “man-made horror in a godless world” [14-16]. I want the play to be relevant to modern audiences and invite discussion on the timeless themes.

Ultimately, my goal is to create a production that is both faithful to the original text and yet challenges its assumptions, offering a more complete and sympathetic portrayal of Cressida and the women in the play [17]. I am interested in the potential of staging this play with a modern lens, using visual and aural elements to highlight the timeless relevance of its themes [18, 19]. The stage will feature a debris-filled landscape and temporary shelters to emphasise the women’s vulnerability [19, 20]. It will explore the use of hatred as a tool of control [21]. It is a project about what can be ‘taken’ from the experience of the play [22]. I want the play to be an ‘open text’, and I want my production to reflect that.”

Currents Anthology Available for Pre-Order

Edited by Brian Fanelli and Joe Kraus, Currents in the Electric City: A Scranton Anthology will be published July 16, 2024. The Belt Publishing paperback features work by a couple dozen writers both local or with local ties. It is available for pre-order now. Trust me, you’re going to want a copy.

I’ve written about Scranton so much since moving back to the area in 1999, I struggled to pen a new piece that captures my conflicted relationship with NEPA. It’s not love/hate, exactly. Hate is too strong a word. I will always defend our underdog city against those who feel no shame picking on easy targets. But why should I be so fiercely loyal to a place that has let me down as much as it’s supported me? That’s the question “song of the city electric” tries to answer. It took most of 2022 for me to write and revise the two-part poem. I literally finished it on New Year’s Eve 2022.

Like other poems I’ve written, it’s meant to be performed and I anticipate the opportunity to share the work with you at one or more events this summer when the book is released. I’d like to memorize it. If it takes me as long to commit to memory as it did to write, I’d better get to work on that soon. -ag

Holiday Card 2023: Wrapping Paper

*This post includes two concluding stanzas that were cut from the printed card due to lack of space.

Didn’t like the cold so much when I was younger,
blamed the biting air for skipping classes.
But I didn’t know about wool then
(not the cozy kind that doesn’t itch)
and it was colder in the ‘90s.

Now, suffering hot flashes most days,
the chill is welcome.
There’s a luxury to dressing in layers;
topping off coats with concealing cloches.
Glad for the excuse to cover my aging body.

Like wrapping paper,
women over a certain age
have been too hastily discarded,
tossed crumpled into the corner.
Obsolete as a Twilight Zone librarian.

My sister loves the tubes at Christmastime,
the color play of so many designs.
Nothing, she reminds me, is more satisfying
than a full-roll, clean swipe of the scissors.
Stacy used to stay up all night wrapping presents
but gift bags are too easy.

Our grandmas who grew up in the Depression
taught us to save every scrap.
Slice along the Scotch tape,
salvage what you can,
try not to rip the paper.
Recycle that sheet.

A student writes,
“wrapping paper is terrible for the environment.” *
Oh, shit. That, too?
Coated and covered with glitter, foil, tape, and bows,
it’s hardly recyclable.
But couldn’t we all use a little mystery and suspense?
The pleasure of anticipation?
The magic of the reveal?

Can I look the other way on this?
Imagine four months of winter-bare branches
without snow, now and then, to cushion the view.

I spent a lot of time thinking about masks this year.
Not the flimsy paper things we hoped
would slow the virus
But the subservient facade they call normal,
the polite smile that excuses exploitation,
doesn’t complain,
helps the insecure feel superior
and the abusive absolved.

Mine keeps slipping. Oops, sorry, not sorry.
Just trying to be me!
But they don’t like what they see.
And now I don’t even know who to text anymore.

We’re judged by our exteriors
while we insist it’s what’s inside that counts.
Truth is:
nothing inside that package will fill the void inside of you.
The ghosts will be hungry
until you stop wanting.

We prefer potential to reality,
just wanting to feel seen.
Maybe this time?

Your gifts are not a test:
we’re only counting thoughts.
Still, people give envelopes of cash
or can’t miss gift cards
because they know an ill-chosen gift
will give them away.
The poshest packaging in the world
won’t cover their failure to care.
Because they haven’t been paying attention.
They don’t remember what you’ve said.
They don’t really know you at all.
And who has the time to shop?
“Things” aren’t what life’s about.

Is this how people decide we collect things –
like owls or elephants?
Like a nickname, you don’t get to choose.

It’s all got me thinking about intimacy
(as I struggle to write romance)
and how we fall in love as we reveal
what’s inside to one another,
whisper secrets never before shared,
confess high hopes and silly dreams.

This poem has come a long way.
I don’t know if it’s done
but it’s time to wrap it up now.
Pun intended.

*Furoshiki cloths are fine. Use newspaper roses or natural springs of pine and cones
instead of shiny synthetics.

alicia grega, Nov.-Dec. 2023

sick in the head

If you asked, I’m sure he’d say I’m better off
now
without him
again.

I did nothing wrong, he assured,
after the break-up text.
Out of nowhere:
Please leave me alone.

Later: It’s mental illness.
His words, not mine.
I would have said, “sick in the head.”

Sure, I’m better off.
*Marked safe from inhibited narcissists today.*
But he doesn’t have to sit across the table
from Grandma when she asks,
with that sly little grin,
“How’s your man?”
Marrying well was the most important thing
anyone was going to let her do in life.
(That, and raising six boys.)

She’d never say an unkind word but
she doesn’t want to hear about the art
or my awkward and exhausted career.

She must think what a shame I had to do all that.
Raising the girls by myself after picking out a bum.
Twenty years divorced and couldn’t find a man to take care of me.

Even when she admires my outfit,
compliments how well I look,
she can see it’s too late.
I let my last chance slip away.

-ag
24 Sept. 2023

After a long day. 25 Aug. 2023.

What is your teaching philosophy?

Wrong answers only.

from Learning by Heart: teachings to free the creative spirit by Corita Kent and Jan Steward.

Free workshops in March

updated Feb. 10, 2022

I’ll be sharing a creative prompt for poem development inspired by my own process resulting in numerous well-received/published poems in this AIE NEPA workshop offered via the Pike County Library and Tunkhannock Public Library. These virtual evenings also include a short reading by each week’s visiting artist.

#MudPiePoetry -ag

An evening for creativity

Looking forward to working with adults in the community in this writing workshop! It’s FREE! Share with anyone you know in Lackawanna County who might be interested in playing with words.
If you can speak, you can write! -ag

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