Episode 3 of Season 4 of the Life And … podcast features a conversational story I wrote and recorded last spring. Spring is the time of year these creative things tend to happen in my life and it’s fitting that it should be published this spring. (I am working on a couple of writing projects right now. It’s wild!) The time spaned is notable because I’m shocked how much has changed in 11 months. Life is changing whether we are taking action or not. Even if you feel stuck, the pieces around you are moving. My Dad, who lived upstairs when this story was written, just moved back to his home in Alabama this week. The “boyfriend” I should have known better than to mention left me in July. There’s a poem about that a few posts back.

You can find the episode with links to popular podcast apps here.

My mom and my sister seemed to like it a lot. That’s good because I talk about them both a little bit in the “story.” I feigned not talking about the past or present, but it’s in there. Little slips that hint at trauma talk I’d rather avoid. Mom and Stacy shared many homes with me and can easily picture, for example, the rhubarb that grew under the stairs to our apartment in Northampton. I felt more strongly connected to Mom during our visit this past Sunday than I have felt in a while. It’s not that I have an ego that wants attention. But the occasional glimmers of understanding and connection I’ve felt with people through my poems heal everything that hurts. It’s hard not to want more of that. There is love there. Unfortunately, I’ve always struggled to feel love from other people while my love for others often feels overwhelming and childlike. I can point to evidence that this person or that one must cares about me to some extent, but I can’t always feel the fondness coming in. Is this more normal than I think it is? I know it’s common for people to feel unappreciated, at work, for example, or when it comes to chores and housework … more investigation is in order.

So yeah, it means more than I can explain with words that anyone took the time to listen to me share some silly little avoidant piece about a preferred reality. And it exists, at least in the telling of it. In the sharing of it. In these small moments of storytelling, we give our imaginations to each other. We give and receive stories. It sure makes life better than if we only had our own private stories to listen to.

Thanks to the Lackawanna & Luzerne Medical Societies, Scranton Fringe, & Park Multimedia, Executive Producer & Host: Tonyehn Verkitus, Producer & Audio Engineer Dan Kimbrough, and Co-Producers Elizabeth Bohan & Conor Kelly O’Brien for their work on this program and helping grow connections in the community both old and new.